Apparently, although a cult everywhere else in the world, Scientology is not in any way cult-like in Glasgow. Unless you want the police knocking on you door, that is.

Let’s have a look at the Cult Information Centre’s description of the term, shall we?

Defining characteristics of a cult:

1. It uses psychological coercion to recruit, indoctrinate and retain its members
I don’t think anyone would argue that the regular “audits” and suppression tactics used by Scientology aren’t psychological coercion.

2. It forms an elitist totalitarian society.
Ticks that box, too – and can, under its Fair Game dictates, wage unscrupulous war on anyone outside that society.

3. Its founder leader is self-appointed, dogmatic, messianic, not accountable and has charisma.
Take a bow, L. Ron Hubbard!

4. It believes ‘the end justifies the means’ in order to solicit funds and recruit people.
Again, I refer you to the “Fair Game” policy. Oh, and here’s a Scientologist’s argument to precisely that effect.

5. Its wealth does not benefit its members or society.
The members of the Sea Org are paid substantially less than the minimum wage, yet Scientology has an annual turnover many corporations can only dream of.

So would someone at Glasgow & Strathclyde Police like to tell me just how the hell Scientology is not a cult?